Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize