Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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