i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize