I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize