Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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