i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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