Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
