Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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