Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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