When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
