I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
