You just made me feel so damn special
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
