Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Need sex. Gaining weight.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
im holly from the hills drunk
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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