i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I could make wine with my vomit
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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