in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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