I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
