I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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