6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
