so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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