that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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