so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
