did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
