Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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