You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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