do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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