if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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