My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
