omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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