i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize