How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Everclear isn't food dammit
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
