Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Randomize
