I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
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