hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
areolas are like halos for boobs.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
