So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
