foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
