found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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