You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
