What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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