then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
