My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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