I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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