they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
