Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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