$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
