I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
