I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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