She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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