You smell like stripper and shame
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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