You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
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