Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
