there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Alive.
So much puke
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
