Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
