i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
