If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
