someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
