I got chris browned last night
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
