btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
