i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
