I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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