i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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