I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
