my mouth tastes like poor choices
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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