can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm bleeding and have questions
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