dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Please don't give away my fajitas
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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