A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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