remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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