he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
