Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize