I cockslap morals
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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