he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
