I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
