the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
