Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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