Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
